Book 4: Doomed by Chuck Palahniuk

Title: Doomed

Author: Chuck Palahniuk

Length: 329 pages

Year Written: 2013

Why I chose this book: This was part two to Damned, which I read last year (and loved), and my friend Kiara got me this book for Christmas.

It's the last day of January, and I've just wrapped up my fourth book. Not too bad.

Let me first say that Chuck Palahniuk is one of my very favorite authors. I can't summon suitable adjectives for the way he tells the grossest, most outlandish stories with style and poise. I'd recently visited Palahniuk's website, and found out he doesn't accept fan correspondence except for during a few predetermined timeframes. Well played, Palahniuk. Way to stay in the zone. I thank you for that.

Doomed is the sequel to Damned, a story about a 13-year-old girl named Madison Spencer, born to celebrity parents (think a far more obnoxious Brad and Angelina) and killed in a sex game gone awry. She is sent to hell, where the terrain is rough (think mountains of toenail clippings and lakes of hot urine) and her neighbors are tougher (hi Hitler). Doomed follows Madison's journey as a ghost stuck on earth, after being caught on the wrong side of afterlife on Halloween night. There are far too many memorable scenes to recount gracefully, but just know that Palahniuk is never lacking in his descriptive force.

I can't imagine anyone other than Palahniuk writing about a truck stop gloryhole incident turned penile dismemberment via one thick Charles Darwin book. If it sounds crazy, it's because it is, but I couldn't imagine it any other way. There will be a book three, as I found out on Doomed's last page, and I can't wait for it.

Rating: 9/10

Book 3: Orange Is The New Black by Piper Kerman

Title: Orange Is The New Black
Author: Piper Kerman
Length: 327 pages
Year Written: 2011
Why I chose this book: This was a Christmas gift from my sister, and since I loved the television series, I figured it would be interesting to read the book on which it was based.

I finished this book, like, three days ago. I haven't read much since then. This challenge is so hard because it can so easily go ignored. Thankfully, my book club had a meeting tonight and it really got me in the mood to stop slacking. Technically, I'm ahead of schedule for these 50 books, but as I know so very well, that can all change with a few lazy days of choosing Netflix over paperbacks.

Speaking of Netflix, chugging through season one of Orange Is The New Black is a great activity if you have a few days off. Reading the book, however, is not so entertaining.

OITNB was my first stab in a while at reading non-fiction for pleasure. Piper Kerman (who TV's Piper Chapman is modeled after) does a great job at exposing how little incarceration does to prepare petty criminals (or even seasoned murderers) for functional, productive life in the real world. The conditions of jail time can cause irreversible psychological damage—but luckily for Piper, she had a great network of family and friends to provide resources like money, a job, and moral support. Piper describes the women imprisoned alongside her who were not so lucky—those that had no home to return to, no job skills to tout, no formal education to rely on. The truth is that although this was an easy, almost conversational read, it was pretty boring. I was actually pretty disappointed when I learned just how much of the show was fabricated or very, very exaggerated. Piper does not cheat on Larry with Laura from That 70's Show. Laura wasn't even in the same jail! Well, there's more to it, but I guess you could read it if you really want to know.

At best, Kerman makes a solid argument for prison reform, but at worst, she wrote a book that was entirely eclipsed by a subsequent television rendition.

Rating: 6/10

Book 2: Summer by Edith Wharton

Title: Summer
Author: Edith Wharton
Length: 198 pages
Year Written: 1918
Why I chose this book: Randomly saw and ordered on Amazon a few months ago; Wharton's Ethan Frome was required reading in my 10th grade English class (although I skimmed and SparkNoted more than I read).

This book is nearly 100 years old (and I'd also never heard of it prior to purchasing it online), so I don't think a proclamation of "spoiler alert" is necessary for this post, but I'll say it anyway. Spoiler alert: if, for some reason, you had been planning to read this book, and don't already know what happens, do not continue reading this post.

Summer is the story of Charity, a teenage girl born into a dirt-poor mountain village of "savages" and social lepers, who is adopted by Mr. Royall, a successful lawyer from the valley town below, and his wife who at some point passes away. Charity one day meets Lucius Harney, a visiting relative of her boss at the town library, who is conducting research on her small, boring town, North Dormer. Anyway, Charity and Lucius fall into some kind of love, while her widowed guardian proposes to her several times. She possesses a spirited hatred for Mr. Royall throughout the bulk of the story—until Lucius leaves, promises to marry her once he's "taken care of a few things," she hears he's already engaged to one of the "fancy" girls she knows, she finds out she's pregnant and considers abortion, goes to find her mom in the mountains only to arrive in time to see her frozen, dead body, and is then "rescued from the mountains" (for the second time) by the old, saggy Royall. In the end, everything boils down to what could be the least romantic conclusion expected. She marries Mr. Royall, and sends off a letter to Lucius that she'll always remember him.

For a book written so long ago, so many themes of romantic relationships and the expectations that come with that territory were explored that have persisted through time. Charity knew that Lucius loved her, but also knew that a man of his nature would inevitably be dissatisfied with a woman of her kind (whatever that really means). She was born in the mountains to a couple of rogue mountain folk, and had never seen anything except North Dormer. Lucius wore expensive clothes, traveled frequently, and bought Charity a glamorous brooch like it was a bag of peanuts. Charity's decision to marry her guardian (shudder) was a loaded move. Instead of retaining hope for her fanciful dreams of one day meeting back up with Lucius and traversing New York and other unseen parts of the world, she sided with safety and comfort and the knowledge that her baby would be born into the security and stability of a boring North Dormer home. Lucius was passionate but flighty. Royall was old and disgusting but dependable. After seeing her mom dead in a destitute shack, Charity decided that this was the best thing to do for both herself and her child. Pretty heavy stuff. I finished the book not feeling sad or happy or satisfied with the ending, but with an understanding of the human plight and the force behind so many of our hardest decisions.

Rating: 8/10

Book 1: The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Díaz

Title: The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao

Author: Junot Díaz

Length: 335 pages

Year Written: 2007

Why I chose this book: This was the third selection for my awesome-lady book club. 

So, it's the fourth day of the new year and I've officially finished my first book. To be fair, I finished it late on January 3, but that brings me to my first and perhaps most important point. I intended to write this blog all day, but I worked eight hours (not at a job where you can sit and read a book at a desk), woke up twenty minutes before I had to leave for work, and then spent four hours after work watching my boyfriend build a fairy princess canopy bed for his five-year-old niece while my phone dropped it low (down to 1% in the blink of an eye and the click of a few pressing links, like the double-dick dude on Reddit). Now, it's just after midnight and I have to work tomorrow morning at 7:30. This blog has quickly transformed into a reality check. This is going to be really hard to find the time to do (as most "unnecessary" things are once you've become the fabled "adult"). 

I'd never read anything by Junot Diaz, though I've heard great things about his books (Drown and This Is How You Lose Her). My roommate (and book club member), who started reading before me, said that even the first three sentences were blow-your-mind good. Honestly, this book was exhausting—I closed it feeling like I'd just got fucked up by a fukú, which is the Dominican family curse this book centers around. Oscar comes from a long line of fukúed-up folk, and their stories tore at every loose-leaf sheet of soul in my notebook body. Oscar himself is fucking awkward and you know it—chances are, you know an Oscar Wao. He's in your math class, sometimes you wonder what kind of a personal or sex life he has, then you have the luxury of going home and forgetting about him. 

The book is also rife with footnotes (like The People in the Trees by Hanya Yanagihara, which I read this past September), which I didn't particularly enjoy. But there's a point Díaz is making—there's always more to a story. I also got the opportunity to test my Spanish skills—the switch between languages in this book is casual and frequent. At least I know what a 'culo' is (because that knowledge came in handy, for sure). 

Anyway, if the goal of a novelist is to make you feel, then mission accomplished. I felt sorry, I felt sad, I felt awkward. I absorbed every humiliation and heartbreak. And if only for that reason, this is a great book. 

Rating: 8.5/10